Insecure People

It all starts within the home.

I had and was given so much love and attention at home that I never sort out to find love elsewhere.

Love made me confident, love made me strong, love made me secure, and no one can take away what was instilled in me from the beginning.

I have a very high self esteem and I am very sure of myself I have never desired, needed, or looked for social acceptance or validation from anyone.

I don’t understand people who do.

I don’t like people who reflect their own insecurities and negativities onto me, and onto others who exude a genuine and a positive self image, and attitude.

Those whose self esteem is so low that they interpret self assurance and strong sense of self as being full of oneself is all too self-telling.

It seems that some who are unable to reach a secure level of self worth and self value within themselves are more apt or prone to devalue the value in which others actually have for themselves.

Insecure individuals who self doubt, have doubt within others, only because they don’t believe the possibilities in others, that are impossible for them.

 

 

I Worked At The Home Of Gwyneth Paltrow’s Relative Once

In between retail jobs, I’ve worked as a care manager as well as a companion to many wealthy people through very reputable private agencies, for years.

I’ve come across many fascinating people/clients and individuals who were on my level of knowledge, and high energetic vibration.

I’ve also come across working within the most gorgeous and beautiful homes, and establishments with the most welcoming and hospitable reception, generously offered unto me by those who I professionally serviced.

There are a lot of good people in the world and one’s that I connected to, and flourished around.

I’ve met and been within the households of famous people, too.

One lady client of mine was a retired judge who’s husband was the first cousin to Gwyneth Paltrow’s father.

I saw the actresses younger pictures on the shelves of the home, and I had inquired to the care manager who worked the twelve hour day shift if that was Gwen in the photos, her facial features were quite distinctive and obvious to me even though her hair was in it’s natural uncolored state.

This particular overnight case in which I had undertook involved using a special lock, key, and code in order to enter into the premises.

I had to travel far out into the island three or four days a week but I enjoyed the environment and the delightful experience of my versatile job.

This retired judge had an extravagant view of the ocean from the glass doors and windows of a comfortable lounging room, and across from the oceans were more luxurious homes.

I use to watch the sunset come up and watch the pretty white swans float back and forth in the early morning of the day. It was so nice to see and to take in, all of the beauty and the serenity.

I, of course, made a recording of the entire scene with my smartphone at the time to show and to share with my mother when I returned back home.

 

 

Crocheting And Crafting: Some Of My Favorite Pastimes

I was nine or ten years of age when my great-grandmother first taught me how to crochet. At the time, I didn’t have the patience to learn to knit.

My great-grandmother use to design clothes for my mother’s dolls when she was a youngster, and when I was a baby, my mother knitted and crocheted beautiful blankets to adorn me in.

My mother also made lovely patterns and clothing with her sewing machine from the age of fifteen on up.

As a person with innovative ideas I was always extremely creative, having a natural flair to invent and to express.

I’ve indulged in an array of arts and crafts which I took great pleasure within and that occupied my time.

I enjoyed cross stitch, lanyard, and painting. I even constructed my own plaque at a workshop when I was fourteen years of age.

I sawed off a large piece of wood, sanded the surface to smooth out the texture, I then engraved words onto the wood, and polished the finishing touches out with shellac.

My mother kept the plaque hung upon her bedroom wall for years.

Talent and skill is big in my family, especially among some of us in particular. I know it is in my blood, as well as within my heart and soul to produce.

After all, I come from a maternal family of business owners who self made and who self asserted themselves.

I am an entrepreneur deep inside.

The little girl who caught on instantly to the fun and styles that attract the attention, and the vast interest within those who love to form and to design through the various and colorful materials of yarn, is the woman today who still likes to crochet until her finger burns, and gets tired from looping.

I love all the different type of hooked needles, combining the different type variety of threads, the different type of stitches, and the elaborate fashions of tedious yet challenging sets of needlework.

 

Mental, Emotional, And Spiritual Breakdown

Everyone who has had a breakdown of some sort is not weak, crazy, or dangerously unstable.

A breakdown is spiritual within many instances. A Yoruba priestess even acknowledged this fact to me years ago. I know firsthand as my own mother was a victim of brujeria in the early 1980’s.

I was even targeted. My aunt tried to flip me out when I was eighteen years of age by putting the hallucinogenic drug mescaline into a hot pot of black eyed peas that I had cooking over the stove.

People often use recreational “trip” drugs to increase the chance or enhance the effect of mental and chemical alterations of the brain while also performing the negative spiritual influences within black magic/voodoo/witchcraft.

My aunt went a step further in her malicious attempt by also putting tainted hiv fluids inside my food. Anyone educated would know the disease would not survive within the air and within a pot of scalding hot water.

Nevertheless, I didn’t lose my head or have a breakdown, my mind was too strong with faculty and awareness, and I didn’t, of course, become infected with aids either.

I was young, innocent, and very spiritually inclined, so divine intervention took over and protected me.

My aunt Tina (Ernestine Lawrence) has been hiv positive since the 1980’s due to intravenous drug use and promiscuous behavior from the 1970’s on up and instead of using her limited time to spend changing her life around for the better, she continued to do tons of constant dirt. She and other envious and jealous ruthless dummies, whores, drug addicts, and degenerates attacked me and other family for decades.

They’ve in addition done it to others, however, when they came after my mother and I, they messed with the wrong individuals. We are people of the light and they are people of the darkness. My ancestors and orishas were ready for them all, and the universe was recording and keeping record of every notorious deed in which was repeatedly done toward us.

Tina had poisoned food of my mother’s years ago too while neighbors were working black magic/voodoo/witchcraft against her.

My grandfather was driven to mental affliction before he was killed and found dead in the Hudson river.

My aunt Charise was drugged and raped which caused her to be afflicted with mental illness.

My grandfather, mother, younger aunt, and I were targeted for manipulative breakdowns because we were all very smart, strong, and fighters who could literally kick ass if needed be. We weren’t the type to back down or be bullied by anyone, and we were all good upstanding people.

The intent for causing mental, emotional, and spiritual breakdowns are to weaken one, to render them as incredible, and to lower their self esteem and spirit.

Certain evildoers want those of us who have knowledge in which threaten their unscrupulous ways either dead or labeled as crazy.

 

 

 

A “Lady” Is Not “Truly” Defined By Her Sexual History

 

In my opinion, sexual intercourse is a stupid act as I consider a man and his penis totally undesirable.

Nevertheless, I am a very intelligent and logical open-minded woman who knows there are a lot of females who are interested in men and sex, or who may just use men for sex whether they want to have a child or they may just want to get their kicks off.

I can still elaborate common sense to a subject in which makes no sense.

I don’t care what anyone does with their lives or with their bodies as it is of no concern to me, in spite of that fact, as a societal issue and as a woman/lady myself I am inspired to express on this subject.

I’m not at all saying that attitudes will ever change, but that I, and I am quite sure many others, absolutely do not hold these same attitudes.

Bullshit like this pisses me off so I just had to speak on it. Sexual acts and nothing else soley lowers an individual’s status simply because they are a woman. I don’t give a fuck what anyone says or thinks!

I use to hate when some people thought years ago because I didn’t indulge in sex that it meant I was “saving myself” for a husband or that it meant I was “moral”. All this bullshit way of thinking all because of how I wasn’t using my vagina.

If I was having sex what would it have meant?

My body and what I didn’t or did do with it had nothing to do with my worth or dignity as a woman as my body is not for any man or for anyone to define.

I am so proud to have been born a strong, intelligent female/woman who was not brainwashed or easily influenced and I dare anyone to define to me what womanhood means or is all about.

As I’ve mentioned a while back, my mother listens to the radio sometimes, or just about everyday in the morning, and Steve Harvey spoke on a Strawberry Letter segment that someone wrote in about in regard to a thirty-two year old woman bartender who uses her job to pick up guys in their twenties because the guys her age can’t keep up with her sexually.

It was also mentioned within the letter as to there being a double standard when it comes to the sexual prowess of men and women.

So Steve elaborated on the letter and the double standard claim, acknowledging how the double standard has been out for centuries, and that it is not going to change.

Then he brought up about how his father explained to his sister when they were younger that as a female she wouldn’t be able to do what a man does (have sex with multiple people/men) and still be considered a lady. Yet, a man that has sex with multiple woman will always be considered a man, regardless.

Of course, I’ve heard and have been aware of this type of mentality among society, however, the notion has always been one of the dumbest and most illogical things in which I’ve ever heard.

This is the reason certain ignorant and jackass men think they can ruin a woman’s reputation if they get mad at her and/or if she doesn’t want him and he gets rejected by her. It gives these men a false sense of power.

There are dumb women who fall for the nonsense also and develop a toxic mindset.

Some men just want to stop certain women from being sexually liberated due to their inability of not being able to handle or to accept the kind of women who have no true feelings or emotional attachment to them.

It is only to feed into their ridiculous egos, a lack of knowledge into the configuration of particular women, or the bias and corny so called traditional values inhabiting them and society.

All women who have sex with multiple people are not whores. It depends on the nature of the situation and the mentality of the woman.

A woman who is hooked on a penis and who needs and desires it constantly, now that is a whore, whether the woman is married or single with one man, or has been with millions of them.

A man who is promiscuous is not looked upon as anyone or anything worthwhile within my eyes. There is no difference, and to me, for men, it is much worse because it really shows a weakness on their part if they are so hung up on a vagina and need sex the way they do. It speaks volumes about a man’s mind and character, and not within a good or respectable way.

If “nature” is the pathetic excuse for why many or most men are so lustful and get aroused so easily it just goes to show and prove that they are indeed the weaker sex.

I know there are plenty of weak women out in the world but women are generally stronger than men emotionally, anyway, I knew that ever since childhood.

I grew up within a family full of strong women so I know for a fact.

1975 Cult Classic

When I first heard this past Friday that Peter Fonda died I immediately said to myself “Aw”, and I thought about how great a role he played in my favorite cult film classic Race With The Devil.

The movie came out in 1975 the year I was born.

I became aware of the movie in the early 1980’s and had always remembered the film. It was so well acted and entertaining, and till this day, in my opinion, still holds up and maintains its thrill.

There was nothing corny or phony about the movie.

I literally searched to view Race With The Devil again during my adulthood a few years ago. I didn’t stop until I found out where to get the film and I watched it twice in one night.

A relative and I enjoyed the flick to the fullest.

The entire cast did a fine job portraying the eerie characters in which they did throughout every scene and it was one of those cult movies with legitimate storyline and a haunting appeal. Hollywood doesn’t make films of this quality anymore.

I’m so glad I grew up within a time where I could appreciate such a terrific classic that I’ll continue to love and never forget.

I also enjoyed a 1966 film titled The Chase which starred Peter Fonda’s sister Jane Fonda along with Marlon Brando, Angie Dickinson, Robert Duvall, Robert Redford, and E.G. Marshall.

I love old classic flims.

 

Wardrobe: Dressing In Style

As a child, my mother always kept me clean and very well-dressed. I constantly had the latest clothes and footwear if it had appealed to me.

During my teenage years my mother use to offer to buy me any type of clothing that I wanted just as long as she could afford to purchase the items at a reasonable price, however, I’d usually refuse her generosity when it came to buying apparel as I wasn’t interested in fashion. I was more preoccupied with food and health. So my mom would get me the type of things I liked to eat since I was growing up strictly vegan at that specific time.

My mother sometimes would hassle with me to get extra clothes when we’d go out shopping together, but, I didn’t want them. I never went without, though, I had brand new stuff stored away for years before I eventually wore them. I wasn’t the average teenager and I never gave my mother any problems that is why she was enthusiastic to give me things. She considered me to be a good kid who never wanted anything or ever bugged her about anything.

My mother loved to dress ever since she herself was a teen and she owned a lot of extremely nice apparel. I had good taste and dressed nice too but I wasn’t into clothing the way my mom was. There was plenty of people who were struck with admiration and jealous of her clothes, and fancy style of dress, whether she wore casual or eventful gear. A few of our neighbors would either ask to borrow certain items of my mother’s wardrobe or they’d attempt to put together outfits of their own to duplicate.

It is said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I guess so.